Voldemort and the Askew Eyebrow
by sdykikyou
Summary: If only he happened to look into the mirror on that fateful day... Originally a chat, it has been converted into a one-shot for your convenience. All credit goes to JessFantasy16 and if you've read my HP stories , "Monica". T for language...


Voldemort stood before the mirror, his forehead glistening with sweat. The quill quivered in his hand. "It must be done...I must...draw in eyebrows!"

His hand shook as it neared his blank forehead. He always seemed to mess these up!

_So, how do I want to look today_? he thought

"Two quick strokes...focus Tom, focus! …Argh! I'm losing it! I called myself Tom! God dammit!!!"

He quickly drew two lines angrily. They slanted towards the center of his brow. Voldemort was sure it was a menacing look, though he was never able to check.

Suddenly, the door swung open and a nervous looking Death Eater entered the room.

"Lucius! I told you not to disturb me in the morning! Get OUT!"

Lucius cringed at the sight of his master's eyebrows. It was really scary!

And not for the reasons Tommy-boy thought, either.

Voldemort's eyebrows were off center.

Although he would have looked terrifying had he got them in the center, they looked, well, almost comical in their current position.

"M-m-master, your-" Lucius clamped his mouth shut. He knew better than to-...but...it was so...so...

Lucius had to stuff a shirt in his mouth to stifle the laughter.

_Well_, he thought. _He's only in trouble if Harry Potter comes by..._

"GET MY SHIRT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!!! OOOOOOUUUT!

Lucius allowed himself a rare chuckle as he strode down the hallway to his post. Voldemort rushed after him.

If only he had but a split second to have caught a glimpse of his eyebrows, he would have been able to change that dreadful day.

"Tommie! Cum 'ere! Likkle suprise methinks you'll like, eh?" shouted a portrait on the wall.

Voldemort wheeled to face the portrait. It was a picture of a pale young woman, with a long watery face and stringy long hair.

"Shut up, mother!"

"Aw...is Tommie not feeling right in his knickers?"

"SHUT UP, mother!"

"What's that upon your face? Is it a dirtie-poo? Let mummy wipe it off, Tommie!"

"There's nothing on my face, Merope!"

"Insolent boy! That's mother to you, laddie!"

"Yes mother."

"Now, you go wash off the likkle dirtie-poo and-"

"MOTHER! I have important Death Eater business to attend to!"

"Tommie, mummy knows, but you've got a little icky-poo in your eyes!

"WHAT are you TALKING about, mother?"

The woman turned away to cover her mouth. Voldemort could see her shoulders shaking with mirth.

A chuckle one too many, apparently.

"That's it! In the fireplace!"

"WHAT?"

"I'm throwing the portrait in the fireplace! I don't want you to constantly baby me, mummy! I'm all growed up now!"

"Grown up..."

"GROWN UP! A BIG GROWED UP DARK LORD! That's what I said!"

"No, honey-bunny-poo, you said-"

"FORGET WHAT I SAID!"

Voldemort threw his hands up in exasperation. His eyes were wet with frustrated tears.

"Oh, doesn't little Tommie want to talk to his mummy? Come here honey, mummy will comfort you."

"MOTHER!!! You're the reason for my discomfort!!!!"

"Tommie, let mummy sing you an old Irish lullaby!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"In old Ire-laaaaaaaaad, where clovers bloom..."

"They do not! Clovers don't bloom!"

"...aaaaaaaand cars go boom!"

"NO! NO! NO!"

"A pretty girlie waits for her Tommie Riiiiiiiddle!"

"sniff...yeah..."

"He'll hug her right 'round the miiiiiiiddle"

"Mummy... Just stop it!"

"A star shines brightly on this little nightly...visit!"

"Just stop it!"

"Her cheeks are rouged, so that he may kiss it!"

Voldemort took the portrait off the wall and began to shake it violently.

"A-a-a-a-a-annnnnnnnnnd-d-d-d-d!"

His mother tried to continue through the violent shakes of her son, and her warbles grew louder and louder. Finally, Voldemort slammed the portrait back into its face. The occupant swayed dizzily.

"T-Tommie, that...wasn't a nice thing...to do to your m-mummy..."

"Oh, I'm sorry mum," Voldemort said, ashamed

"That's okie-dokie...you're late for your meeting anyway..."

"Oh shit!"

"Language, Tommie!"

Death eaters bowed as the Dark Lord rushed past frantically.

Two of them, named Hannah and John looked at one another uncertainly.

"Was that...?"

"On his face?"

They stared at Voldemort who was now shouting at the top of his lungs at a Death Eater for wearing white socks...after Labor Day.

It was usually a nightmare to be yelled at by the Dark Lord, but...today was different.

Today, his eyebrows were askew, and no one was willing to take a punishment from him without a little retribution.

Within reason, of course.

"...What does this say about your work ethics, young man?!"

"..."

"I see NO light at the end of your tunnel!"

"My lord..."

"Send your counselor and your parents an email, explaining why you came to work unprepared today! And CC it to me!"

"SIRYOUREYEBROWSARECROOKED!"

With that, the young Death Eater scurried off, laughing like a madman. Voldemort took it that he _was_ a madman and shrugged it off.

Now, what was it he had said about eyebrows?

"My lord, your meeting awaits!" Lucius said, trying not to laugh.

Voldemort shot him a glare, which didn't really scare Lucius, and entered the meeting of his most trusted Death Eaters.

Many places were empty…

"Where are all these lazy bastards?

"Uh... sir?"

"WHAT?"

"You killed them all yesterday."

"Oh."


End file.
